Not Quite Clockwork
by katbybee
Summary: Written for the 297) Well You See, Sir, It Was Like This Challenge - 96 Hubbles. Another addition to "The War of Which We ARE a Part" Carter and Newkirk…Well, THAT didn't quite go as planned…Don't own a thing. Please feed the author... :-)


Written for the 297) Well You See, Sir, It Was Like This Challenge - 96 Hubbles. Another addition to "The War of Which We ARE a Part" Carter and Newkirk…Well, THAT didn't quite go as planned…Don't own a thing.

Not Quite Clockwork

Hogan met the two youngest members of his team as they came down the ladder into the tunnel under Barracks Two. One look at their faces told him the news was not good.

"What happened?" He looked over at Newkirk who slouched against the wall, his green eyes stormy, while Carter, obviously rattled, began their report, his words ricocheting around the room at full-throttle.

"If the cow had been in the field on the left side of the barn we would have been fine, but she wasn't, so we had to walk around the other side and then Peter got a rock in his boot, so he sat down and got it out, and then we went back the other way, next to the barn and we turned down the road and went two miles and— "

Hogan held up a hand, cutting off the sergeant's word tsunami. "Carter," he asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "let me guess. You guys went the wrong way."

The two men hung their heads. "Yessir."

"But you _did_ double back and get the dynamite placed?"

"Oh, absolutely sir, piece of pie!"

Hogan's eyes narrowed as he noticed Newkirk was not looking at him. He seemed to have discovered a sudden fascination for his fingernails.

"Something you'd like to add, Corporal?"

Newkirk shifted uncomfortably. The Brit frowned and scratched his cheek. "Me mate's right. We started off a bit dodgy but we got there and got the dynamite placed spot on. It was _afterwards_ we 'ad the difficulties." Here Newkirk looked away and toyed with his workman's cap nervously.

Hogan winced inwardly. If Newkirk was being this reluctant, whatever the two had gotten themselves into must have been fairly spectacular. After the two changed, they headed upstairs to the table for coffee and a much-needed debriefing.

Hogan looked at the two men. "Okay, spill."

Newkirk blew out his breath and nodded. He then sat back and began to recount the evening's events.

"Well, y'see sir, it's like this…"

Carter broke in. "It was my fault, sir. The dynamite was fine…everything was okay except the timers. The timers were bad. I don't know how it happened, but somehow, they got damaged before we got to the bridge."

"Coulda been when ya fell over the rock." Peter snarked grumpily.

"I only fell twice," Carter defended hotly, "and both times I made sure not to land on the dynamite."

"Big of ya." Peter shot back, a hint of amusement lurking in his expression.

Hogan rolled his eyes. "All right, knock it off. So, what happened?"

"Well, when Carter realized 'is timers was no good, we knew we 'ad to put 'ands on some in a hurry. We figured the best place to get them would be the local watchmaker's. We knew we was way too far from camp and Carter said 'e could whip up wot we needed in a tic. All we needed was about ten watches. Well, bein' as it was night, an' the watchmaker wasn't likely ta sell us wot we needed, we figured we'd just pay his shop a visit quiet like, y'see, 'n sort of borrow a few, on credit." Newkirk grinned cheekily.

Here, Carter took up the tale. "But that didn't work, because when we got to the shop, the watchmaker was inside, working, even though it was night! Boy, were we surprised! I mean, here we had it all planned out like a regular heist and everything, except for we were on foot instead of having a getaway driver like you see in the movies, and then bam! Here's this old man, well, he really wasn't _all_ that old- "

"CARTER!"

All the men at the table yelped in unison and Carter blushed a bit sheepishly. "Sorry."

Newkirk glared at him and resumed the story. "We realized just trying to grab them wasn't going to work, so I thought fast and told the old man that we was inspectors for 'itler's Timepiece Workmanship Program, and that I needed to take some of 'is watches to show Berlin."

They stared at Newkirk incredulously. Hogan laughed, "And he believed you, with you two dressed like workmen?"

Newkirk grinned, "Told 'im we was there straight from a factory inspection, didn't I, sir? 'E bought it, too!"

Carter smiled as he said, "He was really happy to share a dozen of his best watches with us!"

It was Kinch's turn to look confused. "So, I get that things got a little rocky, but you got the watches, and apparently, the mission was a bust anyway…so what happened?"

By now, LeBeau had fixed a couple of plates of Red Cross biscuits and cookies, and refilled mugs. This debriefing was definitely more interesting than most.

Andrew stuffed a cookie in his mouth and pointed at his best friend. "He happened."

Peter looked wounded. "No such thing. It was not my fault. You said you needed someplace private to build the timers. I took you someplace private."

Carter smirked. "I said I needed someplace quiet, Peter. The backroom of a beer garden was not exactly what I had in mind."

"Yeah, well, the back was quieter than the front. Besides, nobody would ever think to look for us there, would they?" Peter retorted smartly to his friend, but kept a weather eye on his commander, knowing he was not going to be happy at that bit of information.

Hogan stared at the two blankly. "You hid where?"

Newkirk shifted again. "Uhh, well, Carter hid in the back of the local, guv. I kept lookout for 'im."

Once again, Hogan's eyes narrowed. "And where did you post yourself, Corporal?"

"Well, see, it wasn't curfew yet, so there were still quite a few patrons about. We was strangers there, see, so I figured, if we could work in a factory, * what would it 'urt me 'avin' a pint or two? 'Sides, we've gathered intel in pubs lots of times…" He trailed off at the look on Hogan's face.

Carter chose that moment to add, "Besides, Colonel, nothing bad happened. I got the timers made and we got out of there just fine. Nobody knew a thing. Peter was only a little bit drunk."

The look Peter threw Carter could have melted steel. "I was not drunk, mate. I was blendin' in. 'alf the blokes in the place were practically coshed."

Andrew's eyes widened innocently as he nodded, "Oohhh. Good acting." The others couldn't help but laugh.

Hogan sighed. "Okay, so you got the timers. Then what?"

"Well, we got back and discovered it was the wrong bridge, sir."

"What?! You guys wired the wrong bridge? I gave you directions before you left!" Now Hogan was furious.

Newkirk jumped up and held up a placating hand. "Wait, guv. You did give us the right intel. It's just that we discovered the intel had changed and the convoy was rerouted to another bridge."

"How did you find this out?"

Carter answered before Newkirk could stop him. "Oh, that would be because I asked."

"Come again?"

Newkirk rolled his eyes in frustration and sat back. He knew they were really in for it now.

Carter continued, "Well, on the way back, we ran into this German patrol, and we had a little trouble hiding from them. It was all okay in the end, but…well, they were standing right we wanted to be, and we were afraid they would discover the dynamite, so I decided to just act like a regular German and go talk to them…you know, like that not so bright guy I played when we cased Gestapo headquarters that time? I figured if I just asked them what was going on, they'd be shocked enough to tell me just to make me go away. And I was right."

"Lucky ya didn't end up dead, ya ruddy git!" Newkirk grumbled affectionately. Carter was the bravest, craziest man he knew.

LeBeau's eyes widened in shock. "You mean, you just walked right up to the Germans and asked them what was going on?"

"Yep," Carter grinned, "I just took my slightly addled self right up to them and asked if they were playing soldier. One said to go away, and I asked if the big trucks were coming to cross the bridge today and he said no, they were going to cross another bridge. When I asked why they were there, the soldier I was talking to told me it was to make it look like the trucks were coming. I said thank you for playing with me and wandered off down the road."

Hogan shook his head in disbelief. "So, then what?"

Newkirk shrugged. "What else? We shot 'em, pulled the dynamite, then got out of there."

Carter nodded grimly and looked down. "We blew the assignment, Colonel."

Hogan ran his hand through his hair, thinking. "Yeah, you did, sort of. But it really wasn't your fault. You didn't know the convoy was gonna be rerouted…but all the other harebrained stuff…."

He gazed at the two men before him. Somehow the two nearly always managed to pull off miracles every time they went on missions together. They were without doubt two of the best men he had ever commanded. They were just…different. In many ways, polar opposites. And yet…

"Kinch, get on the horn with London. Maybe it's not too late. Find out about that convoy." He looked pointedly at Carter and then at Newkirk. "You two get some sleep. You've got another mission tonight."

The End

*See "Swing Shift," (Season 2, Episode 21)


End file.
